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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23932681">BLUE.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitseok/pseuds/petitseok'>petitseok</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>내 편이 돼줘 (BY MY SIDE.) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anxiety, Caregiver!Mingyu, Crying, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Only Referenced But Heavily, Panic Attacks, Regressor!Wonwoo, exploring the reason why ww regresses and its a Ride, not The Good Stuff, takes place before baby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:15:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23932681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitseok/pseuds/petitseok</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“he’s scared,” the little repeated in a small voice. and then, after a moment of quiet, his voice returned deeper and less stable, his hold on mingyu faltering and causing the caregiver to almost drop him, “i can’t do this.”</p><p>// wonwoo breaks. mingyu wants to help. he doesn’t know how.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>내 편이 돼줘 (BY MY SIDE.) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>BLUE.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><strong>heads up:</strong> wonwoo is triggered into a panic attack, mingyu panics, wonwoo eventually slips into headspace because of stress. this is not The Good Stuff like home and baby. <strong>heed all tags.</strong></p><p>this came out way longer than i originally intended, and after it was done, i almost added some time skips, but i didn't want to mess with it too much. this takes place probably several weeks before baby? which is specific but yeah. just for reference. early relationship meanie!!</p><p>minimal proof-reading. apologies.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>tentatively dating wonwoo for six months was not the most ideal arrangement for mingyu considering they had known each other for just under seven months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was a little bizarre. after the initial incident of them meeting, wonwoo was— more often than not— dumped at mingyu’s apartment every other weekend for what joshua called as a “playdate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu knew playdates were code for </span>
  <em>
    <span>take this kid for me so i can have a peaceful weekend with my boyfriend for once,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he was less concerned about the fact that joshua tried so hard to get rid of him and more about the fact that wonwoo had latched himself to mingyu in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>discovering his littlespace was an accident. the first time they met at a party, wonwoo panicked and slipped before he could stop himself and, only having a faint idea of what was going on, mingyu took him home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>as it turned out, joshua (and his boyfriend seokmin) had been taking care of him for years, and although he was fiercely protective of wonwoo, joshua made it clear that he was not the permanent caregiver wonwoo needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and because his little side had taken to mingyu quickly, joshua began turning to mingyu for help. he wanted to see if they would last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>most of their relationship revolved around mingyu taking care of wonwoo. this was fine. mingyu </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span> taking care of wonwoo, in and out of littlespace. he had not realized how much it relaxed him to take care of someone until he was practically coerced into doing it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu wanted to know everything about wonwoo from the moment he met him; he was totally infatuated with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>above all else, mingyu wanted to protect him, and if there was a dragon he had to slay in order to ensure his happiness, then so be it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>unfortunately for mingyu, wonwoo’s dragon was vicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was also quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>in between his “playdates,” wonwoo would drop by during the week for dinner or a movie with mingyu, and that was when he met with big wonwoo. that was when the little things began to surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he knew wonwoo had problems, but he didn’t know “problems” meant turning the television on low all the time, keeping his movements from being too sudden, or watching the older curl into his side at night like he was the only thing that could keep him from harm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it broke his heart, but even asking if something was wrong led to a shake in wonwoo’s voice, so he could do nothing but follow along and help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but mingyu still made mistakes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it had been two weeks since mingyu had seen wonwoo last, and no amount of messaging could ever make up for his sweet, gentle presence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the older had invited himself over for dinner and a movie, citing his aggravated roommate who wouldn’t leave him alone. he said it was wearing him thin and he needed to get out for a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu was honored to be that person. after wonwoo arrived, he set about cooking dinner for them both, wanting to make the most of their night together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>while he waited patiently, the older couldn’t help but cling to mingyu a little, tugging on his sleeve and hugging his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the obvious display of affection worried mingyu that wonwoo would slip into headspace, but wonwoo promised him that it was just normal stress and he didn’t quite feel like slipping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he ended up confessing that hyun, his roommate, refused to listen to him and did whatever he wanted regardless of wonwoo’s mental health. it was so taxing on wonwoo’s health that it was exhausting just to keep it together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i had to get out of there, he keeps the television so loud and i just— i couldn’t do it. mingyu-yah,” he sighed, fingertips gliding along the side of mingyu’s arm as the younger chopped some vegetables. “i don’t know what to do. there’s no way i can stay there anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu decided right then and there that he didn’t care what he had to do to help wonwoo and he blurted, “you can stay with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo didn’t say anything. he bit his lip, reluctant to agree to the idea even though he wanted to. that was another thing about him: he never wanted to cause a fuss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>all of it was making mingyu tired, too. he set down his knife and washed his hands, finally turning to the older.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“stay the night, at </span>
  <em>
    <span>least,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he pleaded. “if he’s causing you so much pain and you’re coming to me as your escape, just… stay. we can work out whatever it is you need. i would be more than happy to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it only made wonwoo look </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> sad. “are you sure? i don’t want—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“you won’t burden me,” mingyu said, trying to keep his tone from being too firm. “you won’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>bother</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. i </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to help you, i </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to take care of you. will you let me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo shifted his weight, looking anywhere except for at mingyu, but he still nodded. “okay,” he agreed. “okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu held his hands reassuringly, nodding along with him. “we’ll talk about it later,” he promised quietly, and the older seemed content with that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>so, mingyu turned back to his work, tossing the ingredients he prepared into the pan while wonwoo stood aside and watched. it wasn’t the best comfort in the world, but wonwoo was easily appeased by mingyu’s presence alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>when the food was finished cooking, mingyu turned off the heat. “will you get me a bowl?” he asked wonwoo. he wanted him to be able to help out. “they’re in the cabinet there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo reached for the dish without a problem. Once he had it in his hands, though, the brown dish slipped, crashing against the tile floor and shattering. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the subsequent noise startled both of them into yelping, jumping back from the shards. mingyu quickly regained his breath, just surprised by it; but his first thought was wonwoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the older was having a far more difficult time. still frozen, he was barely breathing, and the color quickly drained from his face in fear. the calm before the storm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>his eyes started to water. his hands shook. wonwoo screamed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it shook mingyu to his core, reached inside of his chest, and squeezed. a different kind of panic rose within him, and he scrambled to pull himself together for wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the older had his arms wrapped around himself, bent over in a protective hunch. all mingyu wanted was to get him away from the sharp ceramic pieces of the bowl. he didn’t know what else to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>stepping carefully over the mess, mingyu placed a hand on wonwoo’s back, aiming to comfort and hug him, but it was not well received. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo threw himself backwards in an effort to get away from the touch, dissolving into a terrible fit of inconsolable sobbing. he fell back onto the floor, pushing himself further and further away until his back met the wall with a sickening thud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>from there, there was nothing mingyu could do. touching wonwoo would only make it worse, and he couldn’t say anything to help; he wouldn’t even hear himself over the force of his breakdown. there was no escaping it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(the neighbor’s were probably hearing this. mingyu was going to have an officer at their door for a wellness check if he wasn’t careful.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>seeing wonwoo curled against the wall, weakly crying and suffering, hurt mingyu in a way he couldn’t describe. he felt helpless, too. everything he did, he did to protect wonwoo, but now there was nothing he could do. and if there was, he had no idea what it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>they were doing okay. wonwoo was doing okay. they were taking each day as it came and wonwoo had genuinely been discovering new ways to find time for himself and cope with stress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but this… mingyu didn’t know where it had come from. he’d seen wonwoo cry before; several times, actually. however, he had never seen him </span>
  <em>
    <span>break.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu waited. he sat beside wonwoo and didn’t dare touch him, sniffling and fiddling with his own fingers until the older’s crying finally subsided. mingyu’s tears were just getting started, and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wo- wonwoo?” he whispered. the older’s breathing was heavy and had evened out. he was asleep. a panic attack had drained the last of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>still weeping quietly, mingyu shuffled forward and lifted wonwoo from the floor, one arm under his knees and the other supporting his back. he was so light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu carried him to his room; he laid wonwoo onto his bed and tucked him in, disheartened when he didn’t even react. he tried to make wonwoo comfortable since he refused to cooperate, rolling him onto his side and giving him a pillow to hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu would rather wonwoo hold him while he slept, but he couldn’t afford himself that yet. he wanted to give him some time to recover on his own before he intervened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and if he planned on intervening, on helping wonwoo at all, he was going to need some help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>trying not to sob, mingyu shut the door to his room. he ended up sitting on the living room floor with his phone in his hand, snivelling as he typed in a familiar number.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he picked up on the third ring. he was probably having a good night, but mingyu had to ruin it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“hello?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> joshua’s voice crackled on the line, sounding rather jovial.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “mingyu, how’s your date with wonwoo going?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>he couldn’t do it; mingyu just started crying. it was the ugliest thing he had ever done: all snot and fumbling words and shuddering inhales. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>joshua’s breath hitched, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“hey, gyu, what’s going on? tell me what happened.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>the soothing rhythm of his friend’s voice put mingyu at ease, even if he couldn’t help the way he stuttered his way through it all, “won- won- </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonwoo—”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“what did wonwoo say?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“he did- didn’t!” he cried. “cooking dinner, ‘nd i tried to get him to grab a bowl but he dropped it and it was loud and he just started </span>
  <em>
    <span>screaming,</span>
  </em>
  <span> hyung, crying so much and i didn’ know what to do and when i tried to touch him i jus’ made it worse and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“mingyu, stop.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he knew the tone of a caregiver when he heard one. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“take a deep breath. i need you to </span>
  </em>
  <span>calm down, </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“okay, okay,” he whimpered. joshua gave him some time to steady himself, and mingyu managed to stop hyperventilating and blow his nose. the congestion was giving him a pounding headache, but he had to ignore it for the present. for wonwoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“tell me what happened again,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> joshua requested softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wonwoo dropped a bowl,” mingyu started. his voice was thick and he felt like he was choking on his words. “when it broke, we were both surprised, but wonwoo just… he just started </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying</span>
  </em>
  <span> like it was going to hurt him. i w-wanted to get him away from the broken pieces, but when i touched him, he- he pushed back and hit the wall and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>after mingyu trailed off, it took joshua a few seconds to process what he had heard.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “wonwoo had a panic attack, then,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he declared. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“did he slip into littlespace?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“no, no. hyung, it was so awful. it looked like he was in so much pain, and i just— i had to help him, but i didn’t know how. i couldn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“you couldn’t. right. sometimes there’s nothing we can do and it’s better if we don’t interfere. sometimes our job is to make sure he doesn’t get hurt and wait out the storm with him.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu sighed shakily, joshua’s sentiment settling in his chest. “yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“you didn’t leave him, right?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> joshua suddenly realized. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“is he okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>humming his assent, mingyu explained, “he fell asleep. i- i just moved him to my bed, so he’s resting. i didn’t want to leave him alone, but i had to call you, i need help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“okay, i understand.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> joshua reassurances helped more than mingyu had hoped. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“you’re going to be okay, both of you. when he wakes up, listen to him. do what he says, but don’t leave him alone."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“don’t talk about it unless he wants to. you don’t want to trigger another attack. </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t turn on the tv. </span>
  <em>
    <span>if he slips and he wants to watch something, watch it on your phone or laptop.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“hyung,” mingyu stopped him. “that’s all very specific. you’ve taken care of him like this, haven’t you?” it wouldn’t surprise him at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>joshua had known wonwoo since— well, forever, mingyu supposed. surely it was inevitable for such a situation to occur. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“i have, and… he’s told me what he knows triggers his episodes. shattering glass… he mentioned it, i think, but he was really broken up about it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>it was too much to absorb. mingyu’s head was too congested to feel this much sorrow for wonwoo. “what do i do?” he bleated, quickly blinking away his tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>there was a suspended moment in which mingyu believed he could never recover from this dreadful feeling. he feared he would never wake up from this abrupt nightmare.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“go to him,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> joshua encouraged. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“rest. don’t let him wake alone.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>and after exchanging a set of goodbyes, mingyu did just that. he discarded his phone on his nightstand and slipped into bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>even in sleep, wonwoo’s brows pinched together and his muscles tensed. his fingers kneaded at the pillow trapped in his arms, gripping the sheets. his lips were parted as he snored softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu pried the pillow from his hands and replaced it with himself, holding wonwoo to his chest. the older latched onto him immediately, arms wrapping around his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>because wonwoo relaxed into the touch instead of pulling away, mingyu was able to cradle his head and to his chest and pet his hair the way he liked. mingyu felt assured while taking care of him, and he felt his eyes pull closed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>hours passed. the couple succumbed to their exhaustion for a full night's rest, all without cleaning the kitchen floor or eating dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>these things were only realized after mingyu awoke from his dreamless sleep the next morning with wonwoo still curled against him, gripping at his shirt like it was his lifeline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a glance over to the bedside clock revealed it was just before five in the morning, meaning they had slept for almost nine hours. he sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo was fast asleep. mingyu’s eyes were still blurry with sleep, but he could make out the curve of his face resting against him, peaceful and still. his eyes still looked a little red, and mingyu imagined his face didn’t look much different. he sniffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu didn’t want to wake him. it was still very early and he needed a lot of rest, but they had already slept enough, and he needed wonwoo to freshen up. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“baby,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered, thumbing over the older’s cheek. no movement. “wonwoo, it’s early, but i want you to wake up.” he continued the small movement, “wonwoo, please get up soon. can you do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>inhale. wonwoo’s eyes opened at once and made no move to look around. the preceding exhale was heavy, weighed with so much fatigue and </span>
  <em>
    <span>sadness</span>
  </em>
  <span> that hearing it alone made mingyu’s heart sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>on the next breath, wonwoo’s mouth parted as if he was going to speak, but he just stilled, eyes going a little glossy. “i’m sorry,” he breathed, unfocused. he was going to cry again. “‘m really sorry,” he apologized again. “i didn’t want you to see me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu just shook his head, kissing the top of his head, “you weren’t in control. it’s alright, i’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a wet spot formed on mingyu’s shirt and when he looked at wonwoo again, the older was silently crying. his words got caught in his throat, but he could still make them out. “help. please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“okay. okay, come on.” mingyu sat up and pulled wonwoo up into doing the same, but the older curled in on himself uncooperatively. “we’ll go to the bathroom, okay? just to the bathroom to get cleaned up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>when mingyu held out his hand for him to take, wonwoo latched on, slowly unfolding to follow his partner into the bathroom next to his bedroom. mingyu offered little praises along the way, and they seemed to work on wonwoo, encouraging him to take more confident steps and pull away from burying his face into the taller’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the bathroom helped; the familiarity of sitting on the toilet as mingyu cleaned their faces with a cool towel eased the tension in his shoulders. it reminded mingyu of the time they spent together when wonwoo was little, so it might have made him think of that too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>although mingyu was afraid they both needed real showers, he thought that there were more important hurdles to jump, so he settled with drying wonwoo’s tears and helping into fresher and more comfortable clothing. he appreciated the sweats, nuzzling into mingyu’s hand when it settled against his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“hey,” he crooned. “how are you feeling now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo closed his eyes and sighed quietly, considering how he wanted to answer. “i just want to forget about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu leaned over to meet his eyes, “do you trust me?” wonwoo nodded. “i need to clean it up. i know this is scary but i need to. can you stay here for me? do you want to go to the living ro—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo’s breath hitched, “no, no— here is fine. i’ll be okay, just do it quickly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he kept his promise, sweeping the remnants of the bowl and putting them in the trash. their dinner looked rather spoiled, so he threw that away too. he made sure all evidence of what happened was gone, all while listening for any concerning sounds from his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>looking beyond the kitchen, mingyu could see the open space of his living room, including the television and the place in front of the couch where he had cried the night before. he couldn’t understand, but he knew wonwoo’s dragon was unforgiving, targeting them in their moments of vulnerability. he wished he had the strength to kill it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“daddy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu almost got whiplash looking over at the bedroom door where wonwoo was sitting at the threshold, clinging onto the doorframe and watching him with wide, curious eyes. his lip was wobbling, pitiful as he fidgeted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“daddy, hyung is scared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>this was new. granted, a lot things had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>new</span>
  </em>
  <span> to mingyu, but wonwoo dropping into his headspace and immediately calling mingyu </span>
  <em>
    <span>daddy</span>
  </em>
  <span> instead of the usual </span>
  <em>
    <span>hyung</span>
  </em>
  <span> was different. it was a little endearing. it was almost unnerving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>his caregiving instincts immediately took over and mingyu rushed over and knelt to wonwoo’s level, giving himself no time to dissect this sudden development. he held his arms out to the little, and he latched on, wrapping his arms around his neck and swinging his legs until they were wrapped around his waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu stood, cradling wonwoo like a child and letting him bury his face in his neck and tangle his fingers in his hair. mingyu rubbed his back, shushing him softly. “i’ve got you, baby,” he soothed, and he wasn’t really sure which wonwoo he was talking to, but he didn’t care. “i’ve got you both.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“he’s scared,” the little repeated in a small voice. and then, after a moment of quiet, his voice returned deeper and less stable, his hold on mingyu faltering and causing the caregiver to almost drop him, “i can’t do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he realized what was happening. wonwoo was trying not to slip into littlespace, but it was a struggle to resist it and he felt worse when he did. little wonwoo was there to help him, after all, and pushing back only made it worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“let go, sweetheart,” mingyu urged him, letting his favorite name fall from his lips in hopes that it worked. “i’ve got you, we’ve got you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>there was more clawing as wonwoo struggled to hold on, and mingyu really tried not to groan with the slight strain on his back. wonwoo was still as tall as mingyu, even if he was much lighter. he didn’t exactly weigh as much as the four-year-old he could be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“daddy,” he gasped, relaxing in mingyu’s hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the caregiver struggled to keep him up and managed to sit on the floor with him, letting wonwoo lean more of his weight onto him as he rubbed his back. he coaxed him into headspace as smoothly as he could so that wonwoo didn’t have to stress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ease into it, baby, it’s okay. take as long as you need.” mingyu decided to focus on wonwoo for the moment. now that their kitchen was clear, he didn’t have to worry about it upsetting wonwoo further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the little couldn’t seem to stay still, shifting his weight on mingyu every couple of seconds. eventually, he let go of him to bring his legs to his chest, pushing his head up underneath mingyu’s chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i’m hungry,” he revealed timidly, just as mingyu’s stomach gurgled. wonwoo laughed breathily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... how about some cereal?” he suggested. “is that okay, wonu?” it wasn’t exactly the hearty meal they probably needed, but the sun still hadn’t risen and mingyu wasn’t thinking big. baby steps, he reasoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo nodded, allowed mingyu to help him into standing on shaky legs and lead him fully into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it passed quietly. soon they were sitting at their counter stools with their sides pressed against each other, eating cereal for breakfast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>neither of them were very bothered by it. in fact, little wonwoo seemed content with munching on his food, occasionally reaching over and holding mingyu’s right wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>they would look at each other, looking for insecurity, only to find none. mingyu would murmur, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“are you okay?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> and wonwoo would nod or smile or both and turn away, clumsily shoving another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and once the dishes were put away, mingyu smiling fondly at wonwoo, trying to ease his spirits, he asked him something different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu’s hand curved around the back of wonwoo’s neck, fingers threaded with the hairs there, “what do you want to do?” distraction was best. he said he wanted to forget about it; mingyu would see to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo thought very seriously. the caregiver could tell from the way his lips thinned and his brows pinched together deliberately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“you don’t have toys, do you?” he asked, disappointed. mingyu shook his head. he didn’t have any of wonwoo’s little things, yet. all he had to brag was a water bottle or two that resembled sippy cups.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“hmm, i want to watch something, then,” he decided. “please, daddy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>not only did the name catch mingyu off guard, he tried to show how the request sent his heart racing. joshua has sounded so serious. </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t turn on the tv.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“of course, baby.” he desperately tried to remember every kid-friendly movie on his phone that would keep them occupied. maybe wonwoo had some. “what do you want to watch, then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>little wonwoo was very considerate of big wonwoo’s anxiety and seemed to know exactly what to do. it was times like these when he seemed to be the older one. “h-hyung has nemo on his phone. i want to watch that one, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>and he was still adorably polite, always saying please and thank you when mingyu did things for him, especially when he was shy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>hand in hand, the two wandered back to the bedroom and found said phone, getting little wonu comfortable with the device clutched in his hands. mingyu sat beside him, let wonwoo dictate how much space he was given. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the little decided to lay down with his head propped up on mingyu’s lap, the phone tilted so that the caregiver could barely see it. he could hear it though, the loudest thing in the bedroom, and he knew the story fairly well, so he just continued to comb back his little’s hair as it played.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu really tried not to think about what he’d probably have to do today. if wonwoo refused to be brought to seokmin and joshua’s apartment, or if the couple refused him, then he would likely be held responsible for making sure he was recovering properly for the rest of the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he really hoped caring for a significant other would be a good reason to work from home or if he needed to use one of his sick days. he was lucky he brought his work laptop home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he was distracted from making his plan b’s when he realized they were at the part when nemo’s mom died, and mingyu immediately tuned in to gauge wonwoo’s reaction, only to be surprised when the little didn’t seem upset in the slightest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“did nemo’s mama die?” the little wondered aloud as if he had never seen the movie before. mingyu had never heard a child be so blunt about something so sensitive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“y-yeah,” mingyu answered carefully. “the… the scary fish ate her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“oh,” was all he said. mingyu was about to prod further when he suddenly blurted out, “mom wasn’t very nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>something stirred within in mingyu. puzzle pieces started clicking. a rock turned over only to reveal a very ugly bug. the dragon reared its head. you get the idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>marlin picked up nemo’s little fish egg as mingyu struggled to keep the fear from his voice. “nemo had a nice mom, though. that’s why his dad is sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“oh,” wonwoo observed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>nothing related to mothers came up again as the movie kept playing, although wonwoo still talked through the movie at parts, even smiling at times like when mr. ray sang his song or dory started repeating herself. mingyu just couldn’t get it out of his head, though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>an unkind mother. a loud television. the sound of breaking glass and shouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu didn’t like what it added up to. it made his blood boil, seized his heart. there was something painful about comprehending the fact that wonwoo— kind, gentle wonwoo— could ever be put through something like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“bruce is funny,” the little mused, wiggling in mingyu’s lap as the sharks recited their iconic lines. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>that was before,</span>
  </em>
  <span> mingyu came to realize. </span>
  <em>
    <span>whatever happened happened before. worry about what’s happening now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>he would call joshua later. he could get wonwoo down for a nap and ask the older if he had known. then he would wait for wonwoo to come to him. the most important thing was recovering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>after </span>
  <em>
    <span>finding nemo</span>
  </em>
  <span> ended, wonwoo seemed genuinely better, smiling and asking mingyu what they would do next like he usually did on their playdates except with a heart-melting ‘daddy’ attached to the end. he was relieved to see the improvement, and decided they needed to actively start their day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu lead little wonwoo in a short series of stretches, the caregiver’s legs having fallen asleep during the movie. afterwards, wonwoo claimed he felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>icky and hungry,</span>
  </em>
  <span> so they finally grabbed a shower and ate a second, more substantial breakfast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>by then, mingyu was late for work. wonwoo held onto his arm as he called in and explained that he couldn’t come in due to a family emergency, and they allowed it without taking off his sick days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>unfortunately, mingyu didn’t think they could stay in his apartment for the whole day. if wonwoo didn’t pull out of headspace, they didn’t have </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to help or keep him entertained. the little always brought his things with him on playdates, so mingyu didn’t even have a pack of crayons to spare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>joshua and seokmin did, though. because they were used to taking care of little wonwoo and seokmin’s little niece, they had an obscene amount of toys for a couple who didn’t have any actual kids. they were his only hope; and mingyu needed to talk to joshua.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>however, going out was no small feat. wonwoo initially recoiled at the suggestion of taking the subway, quickly asserting that his big self did not want to deal with that kind of stress. after a lot of bargaining and reasoning and the promise of his toys, though, the little eventually relented. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu took a backpack of his and packed it with his work laptop along with wonwoo’s clothes from the previous night. he slipped the straps of a black face mask over his ears and held his hand, talking through what they were going to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“just hold onto my hand, okay? if people get loud, just put your headphones in and i’ll help you pick some music to block it out.” he pushed wonwoo’s phone into his hand, and the little slipped it into his pocket with a nod. “if we get separated, just stay still and keep your phone on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i know, daddy, shua-hyung tells me that all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>mingyu smiled. he really felt apprehensive about doing this, but he assured himself that it would work out just fine and they would be there in no time. “okay. do you trust me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>wonwoo nodded. “i trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the subway wasn’t as busy as it usually was for mingyu because the morning rush had subsided, but there were still plenty of people and wonwoo’s grip on his hand was unbreakable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>they stood next to each other on the train, and mingyu would count the stops quietly as they came. he kept murmuring encouragements </span>
  <em>
    <span>(you’re doing so good, baby)</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he began to wonder if they were more for himself than they were for wonwoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>by the time the couple was buzzed into joshua’s apartment, wonwoo was the one encouraging him, babbling about how well they did making it on the subway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>seokmin ran into the entryway when they came in, enveloping wonwoo in a hug. “oh, i’m so glad you’re okay,” he cried. “my poor baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“hyungie!” the little responded, letting go of mingyu’s hard to hug the other, “don't worry, wonwoo is okay!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>joshua materialized from the kitchen, and when he caught sight of mingyu, the younger caregiver just felt like crying again. the older smiled, “wonu, why don’t you go play with seokmin-hyung so that i can talk to gyu?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“okay!” he agreed immediately, pulling seokmin into the living room towards the boxes where all of their toys were sitting. he started pulling out the art box and the coloring books, prying open a box of crayons and sitting at the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>joshua and mingyu stood in the kitchen and watched in amusement as seokmin was forced to color as well. the little would interrupt him to point to his own drawing, sometimes offering a word of critique.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“are you okay?” joshua broke the silence, sparing mingyu a lingering glance. the taller seemed to be hearing that phrase a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“better now that we’re here,” he admitted. he was glad he didn’t have to do this alone because he was still learning how to act as a caregiver sometimes. “i was really worried about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>joshua’s hand settled at the base of mingyu’s spine reassuringly. they both turned back to wonwoo, and mingyu swore he saw the older smile out of the corner of his eye. “he’s doing better. i bet he’ll be wanting to get back to work by the time afternoon rolls around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“you think so?” he breathed, a little unsure considering everything that had happened to them recently. they got a good look at each other, and mingyu could tell that joshua was confident in what he said. he was always good at reading wonwoo; at reading mingyu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“daddy!” a tall figure barreled into mingyu’s side and a half-completed coloring page was shoved under his nose. “it’s not done yet, but isn’t it good? seokmin-hyung didn’t believe me. wanted to give it to you when i’m done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“wow, this is lovely,” mingyu cried, intentionally amping up his reaction to please wonwoo. “i’m sure seokmin was just teasing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>the little hummed, pleased. “t’ank you, dada.” he pressed a kiss to mingyu’s shoulder and scampered off, chattering quietly to seokmin about how good he said his coloring was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>when the tallest caregiver turned around, joshua was staring at him, incredulous. “daddy?” he gawked, laughing a little behind his hand and doing a poor job of concealing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“that... may have become a thing, too,” mingyu chuckled. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>nothing here is intended to assume anything about jeon wonwoo or any svt member. it's fiction. this time: really sad fiction.</p><p>thank you for reading this !! i rlly spent a lot of time hacking through it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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